


Silent

by bdanderson



Series: Silent [1]
Category: Glee RPF
Genre: High School AU, M/M, crisscolfer, glee rpf - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-03-31
Packaged: 2017-12-07 02:12:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/742966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bdanderson/pseuds/bdanderson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris and Darren have been friends for what feels like forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Silent

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've been working on this for the last few weeks (which is why I haven't updated in a while), but this is totally unbeta'd, so if I made some stupid mistake, please feel free to let me know! I hope you guys like it, though -- I had a lot of fun writing it.
> 
> (Oh, and if you guys seem interested, I plan on writing a sequel to this and maybe I'll turn this story into a verse?)

Being in Clovis has never been a real problem to Chris. It doesn't mean he likes it, though - he tolerates it. People are full of prejudice and they lack so much intelligence that it makes him want to puke, but then, there's bad and stupid people everywhere, right?

He doesn't like Clovis or Clovis High, but he survives it.

Ever since the first year of high school, he has been bullied and called names and thrown into dumpsters and lockers, but Chris never allows none of those things to get to him. He always has snarky come-backs and always walks with his head held high and besides, well. He has Darren.

If there is something in Chris's life that has never changed - if he had to choose the one thing in his life that is a constant, a sureness, he would choose Darren.

Ever since that day - it feels like a lifetime ago now - in secondary school, when a curly-headed small boy asked softly, " _can I sit here?",_ Darren has been there - walking by Chris's side down the halls, asking him to be his partner to every school project, walking him home, holding his hand in the most random moments, going to the same High School as Chris just because he asked him to; or holding Chris close while he swallowed down sobs, scared that Hannah wouldn't make it out of the hospital that time; or shedding his tears away and whispering on his ear over and over again when he came out to his parents (" _it will be okay, Chris. Shhhh. I promise. Breathe, come on, just breathe for me, okay? You're okay, it will be okay._ ").

Darren has always been there. Chris's life is always so full of changes, but his friendship with Darren is one of the few things in it that has been the same ever since the beggining.

And that is exactly why Chris just doesn't understand how he got himself in _this_ situation.

It's a party, and he hates those kind of parties (especially when he doesn't know anyone and the music _sucks_ ), but he is there anyway because Darren asked and he can't say no to those damn huge and shiny puppy-eyes, and Chris has a beer between both hands and God, he's drunk, why the hell did he drink so much-

"You smell good." It's Darren's voice. Close, so- Jesus, he's so close. Chris closes his eyes, shakes his head, tries to clear it - fails. Then he opens them and Darren still right there, one arm snug around his back, his head against Chris's shoulder and a leg sprawled over his lap. It's like Darren is throwing all of his filter out of the window (which is saying a lot, considering how little filter he has), not seeming to care who sees or what people may say. "Really good."

So, yeah. Okay, enough pretending - even to himself.

Chris is desperately, hopelessly, completely in love with his best friend. For years, now. But- God, Darren is so fucking clueless and he is so constantly all over the place and he dates all of these girls - ok, well, even a couple of boys during their junior year - and sometimes Chris just doesn't know what to _do._ They are friends, and he loves their friendship the way it is, but- but.

He can't help the way he feels when Darren smiles at him or touches his hand or whispers a secret against his ear. It's stupid, but he is in love with his best friend and it is not something he has any control over.

Not that he hasn't tried. Because he did. For several months, Chris had tried to bury all of his feelings away - but they just kept coming back just as strong, and then stronger, and then, suddenly, he was in love. Just like that.

And now he is drunk and Darren is drunk and- right there. God, he is _right there_.

"Fuck," he hears himself say, not on purpose, and Darren shifts against his shoulder, making their noses brush just lightly.

"Chris-"

"People are staring." He says, not sure how he knows it but feeling all the eyes on them, even though his own are focused on Darren's full lips and huge, huge eyes.

Darren grabs his hand, moves his head so their foreheads touch, lips dangerously close to Chris's. "Come with me."

"Wha-"

Darren withdraws his head from Chris's shoulder and pulls him by the hand, makes him drop his beer and stand on his feet, everything way too fast to Chris's fuzzy mind. He guides him someplace empty, a part of the house Chris didn't know even existed, - which is not surprising considering he doesn't know whose house this _is_ \- a bedroom, and suddenly everything is quiet but- the silence is too loud, and Chris swears his heart has never beaten this fast before.

Then there's calloused fingers against his cheek, pressing gently, Darren's thumb on his chin making him look up and meet his eyes.

"God, Chris, sometimes I just-" Chris watches Darren's throat work as he swallows, notably struggling. He feels Darren's palm cup the back of his neck - _dearsweetlord, why am I shaking_? - to pull him close again, foreheads resting together. "I don't want to hurt you."

" _Darren_."

"You're my best friend, Chris. The best friend I've ever had and- but- you just..." He stops again, closes his eyes and shakes his head, fingers twitching against Chris's neck.

"What? D-"

"I really want to kiss you." Just a breath, coarse and weak.

Chris shivers. His voice comes out ragged, breathless. "You're drunk."

"You are, too."

"I-"

Darren pulls him closer, their chests touching, noses and foreheads joined, lips so close they brush when one of them talks. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I know."

"Please, tell me this is okay."

Chris doesn't say it. Instead, he just nods.

When Darren's lips finally, finally close on his, Chris feels like drowning. The alcohol is making everything funny, but he is pretty sure the dizziness he feels all over is all Darren's fault -- and he deepens the kiss, Darren's tongue sliding against his own, his fingers finding messy curls, his body aching to be closer, closer _closer_ -

Darren tilts Chris's head and bites at his bottom lip, making the hair on his arms and neck stand on end. He feels something hit his back with a _thump_ and doesn't even register it's a wall, everything in his mind screaming _Darren_ and _ohgodohgod_ and _he's kissing me we're actually_ kissing _..._ So he breathes in through his nose and pulls away, Darren sucking on his lip as he does so, and when their eyes meet it's-- too much, Chris-- can't, he _can't_ , because he knows tomorrow it won't have meant anything-

Chris wants to run, but when Darren kisses him again, he kisses back just as eagerly.

He lets himself be kissed and keeps kissing and loses himself in it, knowing he won't be able to look Darren in the eye without running away as soon as his friend pulls back, so he kisses him and holds him close and lets Darren's hands peek under his shirt to clasp and squeeze at his hipbones and waist.

Darren is the one to pull back this time, pressing two small, wet kisses to Chris's mouth before opening his eyes. He rests his hand on Chris's cheek, running a thumb under his eye and- smiling, he just _smiles_ at Chris, like they didn't just share the most amazing kisses ever and Chris wants to punch him and kiss him again...

So he does the latter, one last time, pressing his closed-mouth to Darren's and letting it linger for a few seconds before pulling back and turning to walk towards the door.

Darren catches his wrist. "No- no, come back..."

But Chris shakes his head and doesn't have to say anything for Darren to let go. He feels the hold on his wrist loosen up.

Because Darren gets it. Chris knows, he just _knows_ exactly what is going to happen tomorrow- and Darren knows it, too, so he doesn't push. Instead, he lets go of Chris's hand and lets him go.

He's out of the door and into the loud party again, then-- out in the suddenly cold street air and into his car, where he feels like he can breathe a little easier. He looks at his rearview mirror and his mind starts yelling at him, _dear God_ , why _on earth did you just do that, you just made everything harder - for you and for him, Jesus, stupidstupidstupid._

Because- he knows. He knows tomorrow Darren will act like nothing at all happened and he'll smile that same smile of his and pretend he didn't turn Chris's world upside down just the day before and then- the worst part is... He will come back to _her_. Eventually. Darren and his girlfriend (ex-girlfriend, now) have been doing that for almost a year, now. They are together and then they are not and Chris never keeps track on it, doesn't actually want to, really, because for as much as he hates admitting it... Seeing Darren with someone else _hurts._ It stings and the horrible feeling crawls through his spine and itches under his skin and he hates it, hates feeling so much, so he chooses to ignore it and puts on a smile and pretends his heart isn't breaking every single day.

Sighing, Chris shakes his head and turns on the ignition - he's pretty sure he's not drunk anymore, and if he is, _well_ \- and drives home.

*

Darren is smiling.

Chris is used to it, of course - has seen that same smile thousands of times before, as well as all the other ones not a lot of people are acquainted with: the extremely happy and sincere one, where Darren's eyes get all small and crinkly and he seems to be the happiest creature on Earth; the sympathetic one; the charming one - usually sent to teachers and people he's interested in; the fake one, which Chris has only ever seen a few times (thank God). And the sad one.

This one smile, though- it's none of those. It _is_ sad, but it's also genuine. His eyes look tired but the smile doesn't look fake, and when he approaches Chris, the smile falters and turns into a small, sad grin.

Chris waits for him to say something. But he doesn't. He just takes Chris's hand, squeezes it a little harder than normal and looks up at him. His eyes - huge, so huge and so green and so gorgeous - are almost pleading, like they're begging Chris to understand something without words being needed.

Chris doesn't- _can't_ ever understand. But he can pretend.

So he squeezes Darren's hand back and nods at him.

"It's okay." Barely audible.

A smile, - the honest, beautiful one, - another squeeze at his hand. And just like that, they are okay again.

*

"Ohhh, come on," Darren jumps on the bed, crossing his legs. "You chose last time!  _Pleasepleaseplease_ let's watch Aladdin?"

"You sound like an annoying five year-old."

He pouts, looks up at Chris. "Please?"

Chris is already holding the DVD between both hands. He sighs, defeated, and bends down to put the movie on.

Darren _yelps_. Chris grabs the pop corn can before joining him at the bed, and Darren almost spills their food when he throws his arms around Chris's middle. "You're the _best_ , man."

"And _you_ are suffocating me." Chris places the can on Darren's lap. "Stop!"

Darren laughs and Chris laughs and when Darren finally lets go, the movie starts.

Watching Disney movies with Darren is kind of like having to deal with a happy, singing kid. He sings along to every single song, makes Chris sing with him ( _we sound fucking good together, Chris, no one in the whole damn universe sound as fucking good together as we do_ ), even stands up on his favorite ones to dance and somehow convincing Chris to do the same. It's fun, familiar, something they do ever since they first became friends and Chris _likes_ it.

They're halfway through the movie when Darren's phone goes off with a new text.

Chris doesn't mean to, but he looks and sees _her_ name and _her_ picture on the small screen.

He doesn't want to say it anything, tries to swallow down the words, but it's coming out before he has any control over it. "I thought you two were broken up?"

Darren looks at his own cellphone. "We are."

He grabs the phone from Darren's hand, knows he isn't crossing any line because Darren has done the same to him (more than once) before, and opens the new texts.

" _'Thank you for last night.'"_ He reads out loud. "And ohhh, look at this one: ' _I missed you a lot, you know.'"_ Chris throws the cellphone back on the mattress. He looks at Darren, and instead of saying something intelligent or coherent, he shoves at his arm. "Dick."

"Ow!" Darren rubs at the spot Chris hit. "What was that for?"

"You're the single most _stupidest_ person I know-"

"What?!"

He shoves at his arm again. "Dick. You're a dick."

"Stop calling me that!"

"But you are!" Chris grabs a handful of popcorn. "I can't believe you're coming back to her."

"I'm not."

"Darren."

"Really. I'm not. We're not back together."

Chris breathes in, re-crosses his legs and turns his body to Darren. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Darren licks at his bottom lip, eyes focused on his own lap. "Actually, yeah."

"Then tell me what happened last night."

Darren opens his mouth, closes it again - like he's choosing his words - and Chris is glad because it gives him at least a few seconds to bury his feelings down, to keep his face expressionless. "She- she was sad. I was at the school's garage and her car was parked right next to mine. I saw her sitting there, she was all alone and crying and I- I was just going to check on her, but when she saw me she just started _sobbing_ , Chris. Like, clinging to me and sobbing and I didn't know what to do. So I offered to take her home."

"Let me guess: she said yes. And then - later - she kissed you."

He looks up at him, wide-eyed and open-mouthed. "Okay, I don't know how the fuck you do that, but it's scary and slightly creepy."

He rolls his eyes. "No, it's not. It's actually pretty damn obvious, Darren. Just- stop for a second and think about it."

Darren seems to do so. He bites at his thumbnail and looks up at Chris from under his ridiculously huge eyelashes. "I don't know what to do."

"What did you do when she kissed you?"

"I told her she should get out of my car and into her house. And... That I didn't want to get back together."

Chris's heart stutters, just a little. "Did you mean it?"

"Yeah, man. I mean, I don't even think I really loved her, you know? She made me feel good, and I liked being with her, but I'm tired of all the drama. If she loves me the way she says she does..."

He doesn't finish the sentence. Chris's fingers twitch against his own knees. "A year is a long time."

"Exactly. I guess I got... Comfortable? I don't know. I think us breaking up for good was like, fucking long overdue. We shouldn't have gotten back together last time and we sure as hell shouldn't now."

Chris lets out his breath. "Oh thank God, Darren, _finally_ -"

His friend laughs, loud and happy, and falls back against the pillows, throwing a hand over his eyes. "You're an asshole."

"Oh, come on, she is pretty but _oh my God_ she was making my life _impossible-"_ Chris lies back next to Darren as he's interrupted with another laugh. The other turns onto his side, facing Chris, a fond look on his eyes while the laughter dies slowly. He looks- beautiful, like this -- eyes big, honest, the corners of his mouth slightly curved up.

"I really am the most stupid person ever, aren't I?"

"Yes. Yes, you are." Chris answers, but he's smiling- can't help it, Darren's just so-

He shakes his head, sends the thought away. Darren pouts and wrinkles his nose, rolling his eyes at him. "You still love me, anyway."

Chris doesn't say anything. He doesn't want to deny it -- that would be lying, he never lied to Darren -- but he doesn't want to admit it either, so he just smiles.

Darren smiles back and reaches for his hand, squeezing it once and letting go before Chris could even feel the warmth of those fingers against his. Their attentions go back to the movie playing and they don't talk about it again for the rest of the afternoon.

*

It's another party (but this one is like, on this huge ass house, with a pool and an enourmous garden and it looks like some kind of fancy _farm_ ), and there's even more alcohol and Chris drank so. Fucking. Much. He is regretting it now because his stomach is all kinds of insane and he's been stuck in the tiny _(gross)_ bathroom for at least fourty minutes. He doesn't even know why the hell he drank so much -- what is the point of drinking with these people who don't even like him in the first place-

There's a voice outside the door. It's familiar, he could recognize it anywhere but- that is not a good tone. Not at all. Darren sounds so angry, he's never angry, he doesn't want his friend to be mad and _why is he yelling...?_

A muffled, "you're a fucking moron, Williams, why the fuck did you let him drink that much-" and the door is opening ( _I thought I had locked that..._ ), Darren's angry expression softening as soon as he catches sight of Chris sitting there, curled up on the floor, head against the dirty wall and arms holding his stomach, hair a terrible mess and eyes almost closing.

Darren kneels next to him and holds up a hand to fix - try to - the sweaty hair that had fell over his eyes. He looks so, so worried but he offers a small grin, running a thumb under Chris' eye.

Then Chris' stomach turns upside down again and he moves away from the touch and towards the toilet to let it empty itself. Darren rubs small circles over his back, up and down, soothing.

"I swear to God, I'll kill Williams and those two bitches who gave you all those drinks. God, I was out for just an hour, Chris, one goddamn hour..."

Darren is angry and Chris doesn't like it at all. Darren's _never_ angry, he's always happy and smiling and making people smile and making _Chris_ smile and the way he's talking is making his heart hurt a little-

"No, shit- hey. No, come on, please don't cry." Darren's hand is flying to his face again, his voice small and just a tiny bit desperate.

Chris shakes his head and tries to smile. Darren smiles back. "Let's go. I'll take you home, alright?"

"No, no, my parents..." He looks up at Darren, eyes pleading, knowing he sounds ridiculous and drunk and childish. 

"Then I'll take you to my house, just- come with me. Please."

Chris takes his outstreched hand and lets himself be guided.

*

They make it to the deserted part of the garden before Chris falls into the grass, just a few feet away from Darren's car, laughing at something stupid Darren said and making his friend fall with him.

"You're ridiculous. I'm never letting you drink again."

Chris pokes at his stomach. "It's payback. Payback for all the times I had to take care of your drunk ass last semester."

"I never should have let you start drinking. Never. I'm the worst friend-"

" _Nooo._ Don't say that. You're the bestest friend."

Darren grins, the corner of his eyes wrinkling, and lies completely on the grass -- pulling Chris with him. He looks up at the sky, then back at Chris.

"Remember when we used to try to find constellations?"

"Yeah. We sucked."

Darren laughs loudly, fingers sinking into the grass.

"We've only ever found Orion."

"Uh-huh."

A pause.

"I've found another one, though."

Chris looks at him, the alcohol still making everything fuzzy and weird. "Really?"

"Yeah. Right there, see?" Darren points. Chris doesn't see anything, just a whole lot of stars that look like nothing at all. "It's called _Coma Berenices,_ which means 'Berenice's hair'. It's named after this story about an Egyptian queen who made a deal with the goddess of love. The deal was to keep her husband safe during war, and she was supposed to cut off her golden locks in exchange of her husband's safety. She did so, and the goddess was so pleased that the hair was taken up to heaven as a cluster of stars."

Chris looks up at the dark sky and his eyes follow where his friend is pointing, finally seeing the constellation he means. But his attention is not on the sky, but on Darren's voice -- low, calm and so, so beautiful.

He can't help teasing, though. "Would you cut your precious locks in honor of your beloved one, Darren?" He almost whispers, crooking two fingers and moving them like two small legs up Darren's temple until he reaches his hair. He finds a curl and twists it between his fingertips.

Darren laughs -- _stop thinking he's adorable, he's not, he's not adorable at all --_ and looks like he wants to say something, but he just bites his lip and looks at Chris from under his eyelashes.

"I guess." He shrugs, looks up at the sky again. "Not for _her,_ that's for sure now."

"Oh, how things have changed." Chris sighs.

"I'm serious."

"What did you find out?"

He crosses his arms. "She was cheating on me, man. Like, it wasn't even just one guy, apparently she didn't think twice about making out with whatever dude that asked her to. _While_ we were dating." He snorts. "God. She's such a bitch."

"I fucking knew it, that girl is seriously-"

"Not helping, Chris."

"Sorry." He looks at him. "Go on."

"It's not even that I loved her, because I didn't. I know that now. It's just- knowing that I was so stupid for so long just really, really sucks."

"But how would you know, Darren? That's exactly what's so fucked up about this sort of stuff. There was no way you could have known, and now that you've found out, it stings." Chris turns on his side, feels a lot more sober, rests his cheek against the back of his own hand. "But don't you think you've already lost too much time on her?"

"Yeah." Darren mimics his position and shifts, his face just a little too close.  "I don't know how you manage to be so smart when you drank so much, but thank you."

"Don't mention it." Chris smiles. "I'm feeling better, by the way. Looks like throwing my esophagus up was a good thing after all."

"Just wait for the hangover you'll have tomorrow."

Chris whines.

"Come on, up. Let's go home."

*

After Darren calls Chris' parents and after Chris' takes a good cold shower, they share the same bed because Darren is too lazy to help Chris move to the guest bedroom.

(Chris likes to think he just wanted to share the bed, but he knows it's just his stupid imagination hoping too much.)

The next morning, though, Chris wakes up with a hell of a headache and a tired-looking Darren holding a glass of water and some weird medicine.

"Take this. It'll help." He hands it to Chris and claps his hands together. "Now, I don't want to sound like your mother but-"

"Oh, here we go."

"Don't make fun of me, I'm serious. You scared the hell out of me last night, ok? I thought I was going to find you, like, laying around on your own puke or something." Chris makes a face, nose wrinkled. "Seriously, I got back to that party and everyone -- I mean literally, everyone -- started telling me how you drank like, ten shots of tequila and that you'd been on the bathroom for at least one hour and-" Darren shakes his head. "Just. Please. Don't do it again, okay?"

Chris has never seen Darren talk so seriously before, and it's- well, it's strangely nice, to know that Darren cares about him that much.

"I- I'm sorry. I didn't know it worried you that much. I was fine, but I- I promise. I won't do that again."

"Good." Darren falls into the mattress next to Chris and taps the empty space next to him. "Cuddle time."

*

The thing about Darren is- he touches. He touches a lot. At first Chris used to jump when he did so, tried to keep his distance, but he got used to it, eventually.

A hand over his while Darren is trying to explain an English homework, a palm firm on his back when he convinces Chris to dance, -- while watching Disney movies or during parties or just because Darren feels like it, he doesn't know how but Darren _always_ manages to convince him -- a squeeze on his hand when conversation turns into serious topics. He is touchy and somehow, Chris got used to it.

But there's something off about Darren's touches, now. Not _off,_ maybe that's not the word, but... Different. He has never touched Chris like he was delicate, and it's not that, either. He doesn't really know what it is, but it feels nothing like his normal touches. These ones, they are more... God, he blushes just thinking about it.

Intimate. They feel intimate. What used to be a squeeze against his hand is now fingers against his jaw and cheek, a pat on the shoulder is now a hot palm against his waist.

Darren doesn't look like he notices what he's doing, but Chris definitely does.

It's Friday again, which means it's movie night again -- but somehow Darren turned movie night into cinema night and Chris finds himself watching a movie he doesn't even want to watch (in fact, he has no idea what the movie even is about) but is there anyway. Darren seems to be enjoying it, and if Chris finds himself watching _him_ rather than the movie... Well.

At least he tries to be subtle about it.

They're sitting there for about half an hour, casually leaning into each other's ears to throw snarky comments, when Chris feels warm, shaky fingertips brush the back of his hand. He turns his palm up by instinct, and almost drops the popcorn he was halfway into throwing to his mouth when Darren's fingers intertwine between his own, fitting so perfectly it makes Chris's heart stutter.

Chris looks at him. Darren's eyes are fixed on the movie, expression unreadable, so he tears his gaze away-- but just when he does so, he feels his friend's eyes on him and has to look again. His eyes are bright, the lights of the huge screen making them shine as his face lights up in a small, sweet smile. He's leaning closer, and Chris doesn't even notice he's smiling back _(is this really happening?)_ until he feels his own face fall when a familiar body all but jumps into the seat next to Darren, her smiling face suddenly appearing right into Chris's line of vision, her chin pressing against Darren's shoulder.

"Oh, hey there!" Darren laughs at Alice -- one of the girls who made Chris drink all of those tequila shots -- and nudges at her arm. He doesn't let go of Chris's hand, though. "Ohhh, no, go away. I'm still mad at you."

"Fuck yourself." She removes her head from Darren's shoulder, ignores him completely. "Wow, hey, Chris! You look really handsome today, has anyone told you that?"

He smiles at her, flustered. "Thanks, Alice. And you always look gorgeous."

She beams. Darren groans.

"Go away. You're not forgiven yet."

"For what?! Helping Chris get drunk? Oh _please_ , he's had more fun with me in those sixty minutes than he's had with you in years."

Darren, surprisingly, looks hurt.

"That's not true. Right, Chris?"

Just when Chris is about to answer, a guy with a lantern appears next to their seats and points the thing at them. "If you don't get quiet, I'll have to kick you out."

"Sorry, man. Won't happen again." Darren brushes it off, hand still clasped tightly to Chris's.

They both turn to Alice. "Uh, sorry. That was kind of my fault. I'll- just- Williams' waiting for me..."

"See you!" Chris waves with his free hand, and when she leaves, Darren snorts and rests his forehead against Chris's shoulder.

"I hate her. I really fucking hate her."

Instead of questioning him, instead of asking him why, Chris just turns his face and presses his cheek against Darren's curls for a moment, quickly returning his attention to the movie.

*

Chris doesn't really have friends. Except for, of course, Darren (who is friends with every single person at school), Alice and Liza (if he can even consider those two friends, considering what happened at that last party). Apart from them, he is pretty much alone. He doesn't let himself think about it much because, well, he does have three friends and he's quite sure that only Darren himself counts as a thousand. So, yeah, he's doing fine.

But when it comes to school dances, things stop being so well.

He doesn't want to go, but Alice keeps insisting and Liza keeps saying she needs him there and Chris is honestly tired of rolling his eyes at them.

_("You can go as my date!"_  
_"You have a boyfriend, Liza."_  
_"Then go with Alice."_  
_"She's dating Williams!"  
_ _"I swear to God, Christoper-")_

He's not going. It's already decided.

*

It's chemistry and Chris is bored as hell when he sees a small note sliding on his table.

He grins, Darren's fingers still holding the tiny paper against the table, and opens it.

_Will you go to the school dance with me?  
_ _\- D_

Chris's hands shake and he almost drops the note. Is this-

Oh, God.

He breathes in, breathes out, closes his eyes. He takes the pen and orders his hand to stop shaking.

_Ask me for real and I might think about it._

He writes and hands the note back.

Shit. Shitshitshit. As soon as he does he realizes his stupid -- _oh God why am I so damn stupid?_ \-- mistake. Darren just wants to go as friends, it's so obvious and- oh God, the girls might even have asked Darren to ask Chris because they knew he'd go if he did...

_Don't freak out._

And Darren just-- turns around on his seat, offers a small smile, bites on his lip and looks down as he turns back to the teacher.

Chris has no idea what it means.

*

He tries to run, but only partially succeeds.

He's almost at his car when he hears Darren yell his name.

"Chris! Wait."

Chris takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and turns around to see his friend jogging towards his direction.

"Fuck, why did you leave class so fast?"

"I-"

Darren walks closer, grabs Chris's hand, breathing coming out a little erratically from the small run. "Come to the dance with me."

Chris is not thinking. He is most definitely not thinking, he must have hit his head somewhere between the classroom and the hallway, because he answers with a small, breathless, "Okay."

*

"I'm going to kill you!"

Alice takes a step back, holds her hands up. "I swear to God it wasn't me."

"You knew I was going to say yes!"

"English, Chris. Speak English."

He sighs. "You asked Darren to ask me to the dance."

"What?!"

Chris glares at her, arms folded. "You-"

"Wait. Are you messing with me or something?"

"For the love of-"

"Did you just tell me that Darren asked you to the school dance?"

He swallows. "Yes?"

Alice's eyes suddenly look like they're about to pop right out of her face and her lips curl around a word she doesn't say. She does that really weird thing where she almost claps her hands together but they don't really meet, jumping a little on her feet and throwing both arms around Chris's neck.

He stands still for a moment, but hugs her back eventually.

*

Darren, as usual, is being an idiot.

It's just starting to get cold outside, which means it is that time of the year where Darren demands his annual "stay-in-and-watch-Harry-Potter-movies-and-eat-all-the-candies" night.

Chris kind of loves this time of the year.

He's sitting on the sofa with a warm blanket tucked around his shoulders when Darren drops down next to him, candies in one hand and remote on the other.

"Ready?" Chris beams at him.

"Almost."

Darren cuddles closer and positions himself under the blanket, dropping one arm over Chris's stomach and resting his chin on his shoulder, making him shiver all over.

His voice comes out breathy and weak when he asks, "and now?"

"Much better."

Chris wants to ask. It's on the tip of his tongue to say, _"why are you doing this to me? What does all this even mean?",_ but it's like the words are stuck inside his throat and he has no idea of how to question his friend. So when Darren presses play, he rests his temple against his soft curls and turns his attention to the television.

Barely fifteen minutes pass and Chris is already feeling Darren's hesitant fingers brush the back of his knuckles. He smiles around his mouthful of chocolate and keeps his hand still -- just to tease, just to see what Darren is going to do. And- oh. _Oh._ Darren slips his fingers between Chris's, his palm against the back of Chris's hand and- it feels-

Ridiculously nice.

Darren shifts so he can rest his chin on Chris's stomach, just under his chest, smiling lips hiding behind his hand. Chris lets out a small chuckle.

They stay like that for what feels like hours -- Chris's fingers moving against Darren's hair, Darren moving up and closercloser _closer_ until his face is dangerously near. They're both grinning, not talking at all, the movie long forgotten and thighs touching beneath the blanket.

The closeness and the glow at Darren's eyes give him a light sense of déjà-vu, and the thought that he could just lean in and kiss him is enough to make him dizzy. Because- he could, right? Darren is looking at him so intensely and Chris feels so warm and comfortable and Darren's palm against his hand feels incredibly good and all he wants right now is to just lean in and...

He doesn't even realize he _is_ , indeed, leaning in, until he notices Darren is, too. His heartbeat fastens way too rapidly and he licks at his lips, eyes moving down to catch a glimpse at Darren's. There's a warm hand cupping his jaw, a nose brushing his own. Darren tilts his head and his grinning lips finally, finally touch Chris's -- just once, lightly, barely there; like he's asking for permission. The second touch, though, is firmer -- hard pressure against his mouth, Darren's lips so, so soft on his, his fingers moving down Chris's face to cup his neck and keep him in place.

In the long years Chris has spent fantasizing about this moment, he had never once imagined it like this. At all.

When Darren lets go, their lips part with a wet sound. Chris opens his eyes and giggles at Darren's expression, at his huge eyes and slightly swollen lips. He feels like he could smile and giggle and be stupid forever. His friend shakes his head and laughs along, joining their foreheads together.

"Was that-"

"Don't ask." Chris blinks, one hand coming up to rest on Darren's cheek. "I wanted it."

"You..."

Chris smiles a little. "Stop pretending you didn't know."

"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about." Darren all but whispers, eyes locked to Chris's mouth, thumb running over his bottom lip. He leans closer and playfully bites at it, soothing the skin with a kiss right after. " _Chris._ "

"Yes?"

"I'm so fucking stupid."

"I thought we had already agreed on that?" Chris jokes, making Darren laugh a little. But the laugh falters, disappears in a second, and his expression turns serious.

"It should have been you. All this time, I- it should have been you."

And because it is the most romantic thing Chris has ever heard, he leans in and kisses Darren again.

*

They kiss for a long time. It's exhilarating, makes Chris's stomach funny and his head fuzzy. And- oh God, Darren's kisses are so great, -- he's really, really good at that -- and if he lets out a weird noise that _should_ be embarrassing, it is all Darren's fault.

"Mmm," Darren whines a little against his lips, breaking the kiss and laughing when Chris tries to find his mouth again. "We should talk."

"Hm, later." Chris kisses him again and feels Darren melt a little against his mouth, kissing him back eagerly. It only lasts a few seconds, though, because Darren recovers quickly and pulls away again.

"Mm- this- this is important, Chris."

He sits back on the couch with a sigh, looks down at Darren, fingers still tugging at his jacket. Their tangled legs are making it really difficult to concentrate, but he tries anyway. "I know."

Darren doesn't say anything, so Chris asks quietly before he loses his nerve, "why now?"

It's so small, so low, but Darren hears it anyway. "Because I should have done it, like, years ago."

"Then why didn't you? You knew _I_ wouldn't."

He looks down, eyes sad, looks up again. "I told you I'm stupid."

There's so much Chris could have said to that. But he doesn't. Instead, he cups Darren's cheek and whispers, "you're not stupid."

"Oh, so we disagree on that now?"

They both chuckle. Darren rests his face on Chris's chest, rubbing his cheek against the shirt's fabric. "Is that why you asked me to the school dance?"

Darren snorts. "I had plans, man. I was going to sweep you right off your fucking feet. I was going to _woo_ you. But then you were right here and you looked like _that_ and my brain short-circuited and all I wanted to do was kiss you."

Chris blushes at the weird compliment. "So you did."

"Yep." Darren looks up and offers an honest smile. "So I did."

Chris breathes in slowly, closing his eyes. "Are we, like-"

"Together?" Darren interrupts. "I want us to be. Unless you don't. But- please tell me you do, because if-"

Chris shuts him with a thumb against his lip. "I do. Of course I do, Darren."

"Good." Darren kisses the pad of his finger. "Because I'm taking my boyfriend to the dance and I want everyone to see just how awesome he is."

"You- are you-"

"I don't care who sees, Chris. I don't want us to hide."

He melts, the word _'boyfriend'_ still making his heart beat faster. "Me neither."

Darren looks down again, seems to struggle to let out his next words. "When I kissed you at that party..."

"Did you mean it?" It's coarse, weak, but the words are out of him before he realizes. Darren touches his cheek, his crooked smile turning just a bit sad.

"Yes. Not as much as I do now, because I was drunk and dumb, but of course I meant it." He leans in and pecks a kiss at the corner of Chris's mouth. "You're my best friend."

Chris tilts his head to give him a proper kiss. "But- why- you kept saying you didn't want to hurt me..."

"And then I let you leave without even _trying_ to make you stay." Darren's voice sounds bitter, full of regret.

"No, hey," He moves in even closer, craddles Darren's face between both hands. "It's okay."

"It's not. I was so stuck in that _bitch_ that I couldn't even see what was right in front of me. All this time..."

"We're here now, right?"

Darren nods, sniffs a little.

"Then let's forget about the _'what if's_. Let's focus on now."

Their foreheads meet again, and Darren grins before their lips touch. "Okay."

*

"Oh my God, Chris! You look so fucking handsome, I would _totally_ do you-"

"Shut up, Alice." He fixes his tie one last time. "Where's your boyfriend?"

"Where's _yours?_ "

Chris grins and blushes a little. "I'm picking him up."

"Jesus, the heart-eyes again. You two are such fucking lovebirds, it's nauseating."

"Stop that." He laughs a little, just as the doorbell rings. "That would be your boyfriend. Let's go."

"Right after you, gentleman."

*

After Chris picks Darren up, after a lot of blushing and shy kisses and _"you look great"_ , after they both get in the car and spend the whole drive with fingers locked together, they finally arrive -- hand in hand, shoulders touching -- at the school. At first, they sit with Alice, Liza and their respective boyfriends. And it feels- nice. Chris has never in a million years thought that _this_ could be his life, that so much could change in just a few days, but apparently... It can.

For the first time in a very, very long time, he feels genuinely happy.

It's not long until Chris finds himself held securely between Darren's arms, their temples touching, his own arms circled around his boyfriend's shoulders as they sway with the music. He closes his eyes and breathes in, trying to memorize every second -- the way his heart seems to expand in his chest when Darren rests his chin on his shoulder, how the hair at the base of his neck stands on end when the boy holding him presses a soft kiss under his ear and how they seem to move perfectly together, like they are somehow _meant_ to be right there.

It's just- it all just seems so unbelieavable that Chris has to breathe in every few seconds and tell himself it's real.

"Hey," Darren almost murmurs against his ear, the arm around his waist tightening its hold. "Are you okay?"

Chris just grins and presses his smiling lips against his boyfriend's -- _and the word still makes him giggle --_ temple, says against it, "Yes, I am. You?"

Darren holds him closer, presses a kiss on Chris's throat. "So okay."


End file.
